first, sorry for spamming posts................ wOOPS
second,
my depression is eating me alive :) please give me reasons not to end it all. I know Rain's doing better but my mind keeps coming up with excuses to be worried and miserable. "If she's doing fine, why hasn't she come back? She could be lying... am I one of the fake friends she's talking about? Why does she think that? Did I do something wrong? Will she ever talk to me again? Did I miss my chance?"
My mind's a kaleidoscope
It thinks too fast
Blurs all the colours
'Till I can't see past
The last mistake, the choice I make
Starin' in the mirror, myself to blame
Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside
No where to hide inside my mind
I'm scared that you'll compare
And I'll look a lifetime past repair
I second guess myself to death
I re-solicit every step
"What if my words are meaningless?
What if my heart's misleading this?"
I try to capture every moment as it comes to me
Bottle up the memories
And let them keep me
Company
...
When I'm old and grey or thirty
Or whatever happens first
I'll need you to reassure me
I didn't waste a verse!
Or worse, what if my life's worth is reduced to just myself?
Like I'd never let ya get a word in
While I dissect my mental health
Or lack thereof, whatever
There's too many things to track
I really can't remember
If I'm insane or insomniac
And nowadays, all these kids want crazy
Wanna diagnose themselves
Trade up made up epidemics
Pass around prescription pills
But my disorder can't be cured
By a bottle, blade or dose
Self-disgust and selfishness
Tend to hold me awfully close
But I don't wanna let you see that
I don't want my friends to know!
Self-disgust and selfishness
Take me every where I go
...
Try as I might, to keep it together!
Why is recovery taking forever?
Fool the whole world, just until I get better!
I'm terrified I'll be faking forever...
Faking forever...
- Hope of Morning, Icon For Hire
You forgot the last line: And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight; I will not be giving in tonight.
Don't give up. Things will get better. Always.
Echo, if you are worried about why Rain hasn't reappeared on the MB, I think it's pretty safe to assume that she hasn't come back on because she doesn't want be overwhelmed with all the missed notifications and posts.
Ummm... I always tell myself that it won't last...
Emi, I personally think that if Rain WAS calling us fake friends, she thinks we were fake because we seemed to care about her SO MUCH and she thought she didn’t deserve us. I feel that way sometimes. Not OFTEN, but sometimes.