Jun 4

Sorry for spamming posts + aaAAAAAAaAaaaaaaAaAaaaaAAAAAAA


first, sorry for spamming posts................ wOOPS


my depression is eating me alive :) please give me reasons not to end it all. I know Rain's doing better but my mind keeps coming up with excuses to be worried and miserable. "If she's doing fine, why hasn't she come back? She could be lying... am I one of the fake friends she's talking about? Why does she think that? Did I do something wrong? Will she ever talk to me again? Did I miss my chance?"


My mind's a kaleidoscope

It thinks too fast

Blurs all the colours

'Till I can't see past


The last mistake, the choice I make

Starin' in the mirror, myself to blame


Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside

No where to hide inside my mind

I'm scared that you'll compare

And I'll look a lifetime past repair


I second guess myself to death

I re-solicit every step


"What if my words are meaningless?

What if my heart's misleading this?"


I try to capture every moment as it comes to me

Bottle up the memories

And let them keep me





When I'm old and grey or thirty

Or whatever happens first

I'll need you to reassure me

I didn't waste a verse!


Or worse, what if my life's worth is reduced to just myself?

Like I'd never let ya get a word in

While I dissect my mental health


Or lack thereof, whatever

There's too many things to track

I really can't remember

If I'm insane or insomniac


And nowadays, all these kids want crazy

Wanna diagnose themselves

Trade up made up epidemics

Pass around prescription pills


But my disorder can't be cured

By a bottle, blade or dose

Self-disgust and selfishness

Tend to hold me awfully close


But I don't wanna let you see that

I don't want my friends to know!

Self-disgust and selfishness

Take me every where I go




Try as I might, to keep it together!

Why is recovery taking forever?

Fool the whole world, just until I get better!


I'm terrified I'll be faking forever...

Faking forever...


- Hope of Morning, Icon For Hire

You forgot the last line: And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight; I will not be giving in tonight.

Don't give up. Things will get better. Always.

Jun 4

Echo, if you are worried about why Rain hasn't reappeared on the MB, I think it's pretty safe to assume that she hasn't come back on because she doesn't want be overwhelmed with all the missed notifications and posts.

Ummm... I always tell myself that it won't last...

Emi, I personally think that if Rain WAS calling us fake friends, she thinks we were fake because we seemed to care about her SO MUCH and she thought she didn’t deserve us. I feel that way sometimes. Not OFTEN, but sometimes.

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