echo, echo, echo. where did it all go wrong? ever since you've joined the message board you've been making posts nonstop about how insecure you are. you've been continuously jumping into conversations with stories you have had, interrupting another person. every time, you make it all about you. when will you learn that other people have lives too? that maybe they don't want to hear about the 4 horses you've ridden in your lifetime?
maybe, for once, they don't care that you're crying again. maybe you're the reason Rainfeather left, because of you? maybe you had the chance to help her, but you didn't? maybe you can't save anyone. maybe it's because you're only a broken 12 year-old girl, trying to pick up the pieces and move on?
how I feel right now ^
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I know this doesn't belong here, but I feel like... I don't know, there are certain people who I want this to see? I'm sorry if this is too....... depressing, out of reach, completely selfish? I'll take it down if it is. right now I just feel like a broken mess, and here I am, pushing my problems onto you guys. again. im sorry. I just... feel like you're the only ones who can save me now. I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true.
with all the love in this broken world,
~> Emily <~
Emily your wrong. Everyone on this message board cares for you. There are countless people who love and care for you no matter what happens. There are always going to be people that help you through thick and thin. Don't even start to fathom the thought that your the reason why rain left and your the reason why everything is going bad in her life because of you. Rain lives across the world and you have no control over her life. All you have shown rain is kindness. You can never control what another person is feeling the only person that you can control the feelings of is you. I have known you since year 1 and I don't believe, I know that you are going to do great things if you put your mind to it. In the middle of difficulty is oppurtunity.
"life is like riding bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving" - Albert Einstein
Extremely accurate. I am terribly out of practice at riding a bicycle, which makes it more so.
Echo, I don't think you were paying attention last time I said this: Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing.
Have I made myself clear? You do not need to feel guilty for anything, Emily. Everyone is slightly broken; you can't expect to go through life and not make mistakes or have regrets. That's what life is for, is it not? No, I'm not a philosopher.
I recommend "Unavailable" by Malinda Kathleen Reese. I'll embed the video if I can. Don't just listen to the song, listen to her explanation afterward. It's profound; there's no other word for it.
Found this in the comments of that video:
"HEY YOU! Yes, you, sitting behind your screen reading this. I don't know you and you certainly don't know me. But I want to tell you something. Everyone has their own story. Yours might be filled with joy and happiness, or it might be clouded with pain and misfortune. I want you to know that you're a beautiful, wonderful, talented person. Even if your life isn't going the way you want it to right now, I know that you'll be able to make it out alright. I want you to do me a favor. I know I'm just a stranger, but just trust me, okay? Every time you see your reflection, be it in the mirror in the bathroom, in a window somewhere, or in a puddle on the street, I want you to look at yourself and give yourself a hug. Because even if you aren't the prettiest or the smartest or the funniest, you're something that no one else can be: you. And you are the greatest thing you can be. Smile at strangers. Be confident in yourself. Cry when you feel like crying, laugh when you feel like laughing. Treat yourself like a god/goddess because you deserve it. Hold your head up and keep your heart open. You're worth everything and then some. And always remember that no matter what, even if it doesn't seem like it, you're everything to someone. I was bullied for so long and was told that I wasn't beautiful, and it broke me down. But I realized that I am beautiful and so is everyone else. I wanted to make sure no one felt upset like I did - hating myself and crying to sleep. You are all special <3"
Echo, Rainfeather did not leave because of you... you are not guilty of anything like that! We care about you and you're so sweet too! Stop worrying about Rainfeather right now and just agreed Azure, show her kindness and love whatever she does, I'm not saying you should not care about Rain but rather take care of yourself first. Work on you first then Rain. Life is full of obstacles.
My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past The last mistake, the choice I made Staring in the mirror with myself to blame Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside Nowhere to hide inside my mind I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step What if my words are meaningless? What if my heart's misleading this? I try to capture every moment as it comes to me Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company When the hope of morning starts to fade in me I don't dare let darkness have its way with me And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight I will not be giving in tonight
When I'm old and grey, or thirty, or whatever happens first, I'll need you to reassure me I didn't waste a verse Or worse, what if my life's work is reduced to just myself Like never let you get a word in, while I dissect my mental health Or lack thereof, whatever, there's too many things to track I really can't remember if I'm insane or insomniac Now days, all the kids want crazy, wanna diagnose themselves Trade up made up epidemics, pass around prescription pills But my disorder can't be cured by a bottle, blade, or dose Self-disgust and selfishness tend to hold me awfully close But I don't wanna let you see that, I don't want my friends to know Self-disgust and selfishness take me everywhere I go When the hope of morning starts to fade in me I don't dare let darkness have its way with me And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight I will not be giving in tonight Try as I might to keep it together Why is recovery taking forever Fool the whole world, just until I get better I'm terrified I'll be faking forever On and on I wonder what went wrong inside my head I don't have to have the answers, but tonight I wish I did All the pain I can't explain away won't fade All the the secrets silenced by the shame Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it When the hope of morning starts to fade in me I don't dare let darkness have its way with me And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight I will not be giving in tonight
https://youtu.be/UsCfkxZLlys (Hope of Morning)
Under The Knife by Icon For Hire
This is the song I'm too scared to write But some of you may need it tonight Oh there you were, heart made of glass Fragile little thing, shattered too fast Had to pick the pieces up, up, up And that's why you first got cut, cut, cut The devil drew you in, you didn't let it show Didn't want the others to ever have to know That you were getting hooked on up, up, up And all you had to do was cut, cut, cut You carved a special place for your pain So it came back to hurt you every night You closed your eyes and wished it all away Until you disappeared under the knife
You knew the deal, no one gives a damn Just another needy kid, sob story in hand Keep your secrets covered up, up, up We don't need another cut, cut, cut But you couldn't hide, a heart made of glass You pull yourself together with all the strength you had You were finally fed up, up, up Finally had to scream enough-nough-nough You carved a special place for your pain So it came back to hurt you every night You closed your eyes and wished it all away Until you disappeared under the knife Listen, I know it's simplified from the other side It's easy to gloss over all the messy reasons why And it's easy to forget where you've been I guess that's what the scars are for, huh When we were 15 we wouldn't dare let that sh*t be seen But now it seems mutilations gone mainstream I see you at my shows, scarred up from head to toe Like there's no point even trying not to let it show Cause we all know "Emo kids like to hurt themselves" Too many feelings, and not enough self control And I mean does this mess with any of the rest of ya It's an epidemic yeah we're cool with it don't question it But it bothers me our scars are currency by which we're measured Like let the records show who let it slip and who held it together Cutters and burners and honorable mentions Posers who cut themselves up for the attention I don't care your intentions I just want you to know My self hatred never took me where I wanted to go At the end of the day, you know I still had to face But I can pick up the pain, but I can't cut it away And you know what else I can't do, is give you 10 good reasons not to I've wracked my brain with clever sayings of all the things you ought to do But you know I think if there was something I could say They would've thrown it on a brochure and sent you on your way So I'll keep doing what I always do Drag my heart to the piano and make it sing for you I'll keep doing what I always do Drag my heart to the piano and let it sing for you Drag my heart to the piano and let it sing for you
(Same person who did Hope of Morning)
https://youtu.be/Sk6HMuLJ8bM
ECHO. STOP. THIS. NOW OR IMA GO JUMP INTO MY FREEZING POOL AND GET HYPOTHERMIA. Okay?
You are beautifully broken, Echo. You are who you choose to be and you can choose to be happy! C'mon! :D BRIGHTEN UP!
Emily, stop!!! Asking for help is not selfish!!! It's brave! We ALL make mistakes. We ALL can never be perfect. We ALL interrupt. Don't let your mistakes get you down! Rise up from those mistakes and LEARN from them! The important thing is: You know what you did wrong, and your sorry. WELL GUESS WHAT... WE COMPLETELY FORGIVE YOU!!!!! We ALL sometimes show-off and think of only ourselves. We ALL make mistakes. We're ALL only human!! We ALL ask for help, and there is NOTHING wrong with that! We have ALL felt sad because we feel guilty of something, but beating yourself up and blaming yourself is NOT the way to deal with your guilt. We ALL believe that Rain didn't leave because of you. We ALL believe that any of that isn't your fault. We ALL think you need to stop apologizing. We are ALL here for you. We ALL miss Rain, but STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!!!!
We are ALL here for you.
We ALL support you.
We ALL forgive you.
WE ALL make mistakes.
We ALL feel unworthy.
We ALL blame ourselves.
We ALL feel your pain, Echo.
But, We ALL rise up out of that pain, together.
We ALL love you, Echo.
Echo, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is not your fault that Rain is gone. It is not your fault! You keep blaming yourself of everything. You just keep tearing yourself lower and lower. You think everyone’s mistakes are your mistakes and your faults, but guess what?
Their mistakes are not your mistakes.
Jesus has already sacrificed for us on that cross. He took on every mistake, every fault, every sin. He took on all the anger and guilt. So you don’t have to be guilty. He took it all away.
So Echo, please don’t apologize! Because none of this is your fault! You are responsible for you, and I know that God says to help others in need, but taking on their sins as your own is way to much.
And Echo, things may seem horrible in life; you may feel like you have beaten yourself as low as you can go, but remember that without the pain in the world, we could never see how much Jesus truly shines.
He is there for you, Echo. It’s just sometimes it just takes time to see Him. He will never forsake you. NEVER.
There is this one song line that goes, “I’m forgiven because He was forsaken.” We are all forgiven, Echo. And all means all and that’s what all means.
It’s amazing how words on a screen can bring me to tears. Y’all so special :D I love you all so, so much. ❤️❤️ Do me a favour and never fall out of touch, okay? all those words yoh all said, goes for all of you too. Don’t beat yourself up. Take your own advice. Visit the MB and post what you’re feeling. I guarantee you, NEVER once would I say “oh my gosh ANOTHER post about yourself? Not to be negative but this is getting annoying...” IT WILL ALWAYS BE “AKAKKAKWKSKSKSKSKS I WISH K COUDL. E HERE EITH YOU I LOVE YOU DONT YOU DARE BLAME YOURSELF OR I WILL SMITE YOU WITH MY HAMMER OF FRIENDSHIP”
That's exactly what we're saying. Apart from the smiting with a friendship hammer part.
aww echo! i know exactly how you feel. i was going through the same thing a couple of months ago. if you ever need to talk, im here for you. idc if i’m busy. if you need to talk to me, just send a text. going through this is hard. and it helps when you have friends who luv you.
I love you all ^~^^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^^~^~^ (again writing this on computer so [insert heart emoji] lol)