Hi Guardian Herd fans, it's Jennifer here. Sometimes readers contact me about their feelings of depression. I want to share a bit more of my story with you.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. These are my thoughts and my coping techniques and they may not work for everyone. I recommend seeking professional help for all people who are struggling with pervasive negative thinking, depression, self-harm, self-hatred, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, self-destructive behavior, extreme anger, violent thoughts--I can't cover everything--but if you are in the extremes of emotions, I believe a mental health professional/expert can help you. I will list some resources at the end of this post.
I don't speak about this often in public, but I suffered from severe depression for many years, mostly between the ages of 13-18. Teenage hormones intensified my emotions and negative thinking, heightening everything I felt and believed.
Life was not always bad. I had good days that gave me hope. But then the darkness would return. A personal failure, a personal rejection, a mean person--anything negative could send me spiraling back into the abyss. When I was there, it was bottomless and lonely. The darkness swallowed all light, all hope.
The last time I felt severely depressed, I was eighteen years old. I was tired of feeling bad. I cried for hours. Some of you know this pain--sobbing so hard your stomach hurts. Crying out your very soul. Craving and wishing for comfort but not knowing how to get it or where to get it. Feeling like no one understands. No one cares. No one loves you.
It was at this moment I made a conscious decision to stand up to the disease of depression. I had come through it enough in the past to know that the bad feelings don't last. They feel real, but they are lies.
From that day on, I decided to work on my self-talk. I decided to treat myself better, to talk to myself nicer. No one is all bad (not even Petalcloud, honestly!) This is why I love my bad guys so much! They're hurting too, like I was. They make their decisions based on a worldview of blame, guilt, self-hatred, and the need to maintain control. If I hadn't changed my thinking, I would be a bad guy!
But I chose to forgive myself and to give myself another chance. I'm so glad I did. I wrote my first book a year later. I went on to get married, to have two kids, adopt a foster child, to have dozens of amazing, loving pets, and to become a published author.
This doesn't mean my life is perfect now. Life seems to always a mix of good and bad. I still experience rejection, conflict, and tough times. But I've become a warrior. I refuse to submit to my depressive tendencies, which still exist within me. I regularly assign myself to 30 Day Positive Thinking Challenges (I must find the silver lining in everything, reject all worrying, and squash all negative self-talk). The truth is--it is as unlikely that I am a horrible, no good, worthless person as it is that I am the best, most worthwhile, most perfect person! All extreme thoughts are lies! Hormones also lie. They amp up our thoughts and feelings way beyond what a situation calls for.
Finally, I am always happier when I focus on what I have to be grateful for. Things as simple as being born in a first world country, having rights, being alive, having pets, having a full belly, having at least one good friend.
So here are my tips for how I battle depression:
Write a gratitude list in my journal each day
Make art
Accept that I will have down days and that it's okay. It will pass!
Challenge myself to 30 Days of Positive Thinking
Get outside each day and enjoy nature (even a brief walk around the neighborhood)
Cuddle my pets
Watch birds
Maintain regular contact with my friends
Say "Yes" to invitations even when I feel anti-social (especially when I feel anti-social)
Take a long bath with lavender scented bath salts
Write a story or diary entry
Color or do a puzzle (keeping a coloring book around, there are some very fancy ones, is super helpful to stop my mind from spinning)
Go to bed. I always feel better in the morning
Talk to someone about feelings, even if they're embarrassing
Clean my room
Attend my community church
Watch a comedy or read a funny book
Read any book
Take care of work that is hanging over my head. Procrastination increases depression for me
Imagine everything going right!
Swim
Take a shower and put on freshly laundered pajamas
Invite someone to a movie or an outing
If I felt I needed it, I'd seek professional help
Trust in a higher power
I hope this letter from me to you is helpful for those of you who are struggling or know someone who is. Here are some resources:
Please share with a trusted adult immediately, especially a parent, grandparent, or relative
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Teen Depression, Mayo Clinic https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/teen-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20350985
I love how supportive you are of one another, and of me. The world is full of good people, happy events, loving animals, fun activities, beautiful landscapes, and exciting accomplishments. You deserve a share of it all.
Yours, Jennifer
Thanks @Jennifer Lynn Alvarez this has helped a lot I’m so glad I’ve come across here and your books
I know this is super late @Jennifer Lynn Alvarez, but thanks! I needed to see this! I've been dealing with my own stuff, both on here with my recent fight with Thunderheart, and in real life! You'll see more on the subject in my post called "Vent".
Thanks, this was really helpful! I have anxiety, but this still really helped.
Wow, I can't believe I've never seen this post before. Like Dapplefray, I've never really dealt with depression, but I've been hurt, left out, and forgotten too many times to count. This is a really powerful post, thanks for making it, Mrs. Alvarez. :)
Wow I wish I knew if my great grandma is in heaven. She might have been a believer but I dont know. I miss her all the time. I is just so hard by grandpa died a couple years ago and he was not Christen and so I dont know where he is.
Wow Mrs. Alvarez! Honestly, I've never suffered from depression. The reason: I put my faith in Christ when I was nine. I have peace, hope, comfort, even in hard times, like when I lost my great grandma. It was just this year. But I'm happy for her, even tho I miss her, because she was a strong believer and loved Christ more than anything in the world... which I'm glad she does. Now she's with the Lord, no longer in her broken down old body that had limits to fun things we "young" peeps can do.
"You will show me the path of life, in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11
wow..... as almost everybody else has said, just wow...... thank you for sharing this Mrs. Alvarez... man oh man... If anyone needs someone to talk too, I'm here. My friends at school do that a lot. So, if y'all need anything, or just wanna talk, I can talk.
Jennifer, I have been fighting with depression and OCD for 9 years now... and I'm so glad to hear that someone like you understands. YoY Thank you so much, Jennifer. Thank you.
this post is so beautiful. ive forgotten about it, and im sorry I have. im glad that we could all have talked to one another and known each other. im glad we met over the best book series written by an author who truly cares about each individual fan. thank you.
yup. NYC isn't great. some parts are but like ewwwww its stinky, hot, humid!
I‘ve known Albany is the capital since I was about 7. And yeah, you can’t blame people from out-of-state for thinking the famous city is the capital of NY.
some people think the capitol is New York City. me: GRRRRRRRRR 0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0. WHYYYYYYYYY! Albany is very sdmall, i guess i cant blame xD
we have one right by the Greenbush plaza its opposite on a hill xD and by a horrible pizza place plus a hair cutting place 0.0
omg the commercials! on every time i watch tv xD
I know Dawnfeather Lol. OH.... have you ever heard of Mavis Discount Tire? Don’t laugh if you haven’t, please
that would be Albany Wispi. Brightberry youve been gone!!! welcome back!
Thank you for making this post Mrs. Alverez!! It's great knowing that there is someone who can give people like me and Echo advice. I actually read a lot to help my depression, it helps a lot!! A tip though, is not to read a book that ends really sad. It really is hard to tell adults that you have depression and anxiety, it really sucks when you have either one, but it feels even worse when you have both. I am not saying that depression and anxiety are the only things that can weigh your heart down, I'm just really tired, it's after midnight and I have to get up at 5:30
Dawnfeather lives near the capital of NY last time I checked.
Ohhhhh
No i mean NY But washingto
AWST-Australian Western Standard Time
ACST-Australian Central Standard Time
AEST-Australian Eastern Standard Time
Huh? Do you mean Washington? And guys, I made a separate post about this.
I have facetime but same as nightmist not sure my parents would let me. Also i live in a. state that most people call a city xD
Wait wait wait, 3 pm Alaska time looks like a convenient time for everyone, as long as no one lives in Zulu time, or Grenwich Mean Time.
You know what? I’m going to make a separate post for this because it isn’t related to this post.
What are AWST, ACST, and AEST the abbreviations for?
So, I'm not sure if everything is 100% correct:
(Time zone abbreviations are on the top)
I have a way that might work
I could try to, but I would need to know everyone’s time zone in relation to the Grenwich Mean Time, or Prime Meridian.
Dragon, if you and Echo could work out the math together at some point, I bet you could find a good time.
But Echo usually isn't on until I'm about to go to bed
Seems like all of us are awake by noon my time.
Yeah
OH YEAH LOL. That WOULD be hard with the time zones......XD
Ha, well, if we did something like this we'd have probably a hard time picking a time to do it at
XDD. I have FaceTime lol. I'm not sure if my parents would let me though...... Not that I don't trust you guys, it's just my parents might not.... lol.
Can we all join you guys? I'll bring mint slices ;)
Okaay... didn’t need to know about the waffles and ice cream, though.
We’ve never met in person, and only have FaceTimed once. But we are planning meeting in the future with waffles and ice cream
This may sound stupid, but have you and Cass actually met in person? Or just texted and facetimed each other?
Definitely! There’s also the opotion of FaceTime for those of us who have apple devices. Cass and I have done it.
I guess that would be kinda cool to meet each other
Classic Wispi xD same here. I'm serious though. I don't have Skype, but what if we do group chats with skype first? It won't be as awesome as meeting up in real life, but it'll be one step closer (I HAVE DIED EVERYDAY - x dodges frying pan x) to seeing each other irl! xD
lol
xD
I probably wouldn’t be able to look any of you in the eyes or else I’d want to run back home so you wouldn’t see me break down in tears of joy! Also, if I looked one of you in the eyes you’d be in serious danger of being hugged so tight you wouldn’t be able to breath properly xD
I agree Echo. I’m probably gonna faint if I see what you guys look like and stuff (but in a good way lol)
From Anchorage to Sacramento, California is only 3,012.8 miles. (Echo, that’s 4848.63 kilometers if you were wondering.)
I live in the state like a million miles away form everything except Russia and Canada
lol. You probably won't EVER see me XD. I live in a state that isn't the most popular one...... lol
We all seriously need to meet up in real life. No joke. Though I'm warning you guys: I might die when you all tell me that you're Cass or Wispi or Flamefrost or Dragon :'3
-builds a tower that reaches to the clouds and climbs up- -screams- WE LOVE YOU ECHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What Wispi said
I wish I could fly over to Australia and give you a hug :’) We love ya Echo
Oh.
My.
Goodness...
After reading that post, I felt like crying.
But then I saw Cass's comment about making sure I saw this, I broke.
I've been feeling horrible lately, and Rain leaving hadn't exactly been helping.
Thank you so much, every one of you.
I never knew how valuable I was to you, but now, thank you! I'd feel better if I wasn't crying right now. :')
I love you all so, so much. I'm so glad I found you all. I'm so glad God led me to you. Thank you so much everyone :') x virtual sqooshes and kisses to all x
Yep, she knows. I just commented on one of her videos telling her about this.
I have a YouTube channel. Hang on.
Hopefully that works
Okay.
I'll just copy the link and put it in different posts until she see it
And I don’t have her email or phone number obviously.
Okay. Who has a YouTube account? I’ve got an idea on how to contact Echomoon since she doesn’t have Pinterest, Facebook, Snapchat (I think), Instagram, or any other things like that.
Thats really true. But guys we need to tell Echomoon to read this post. Jennifer wanted to make sure she saw this. I don’t know how to contact her and when she’s on its midnight for me
Oh . . . My . . . Goodness. This is amazing. What’s even better is the humble tone. What I hate about learning about depression —I did a school project on depression and bullying— is that teachers, the authors of medical articles, even parent/relatives— discuss depression and suicide as though they are just statistics. Since I suffer from depression, I’ve always wanted to scream (or at least write a strongly worded email) at them, “I’M A PERSON TOO!! I DON’T COUNT AS A NUMBER OR PERCENTAGE!!” But you, Jennifer, aren’t like that. Not only have I noticed that these techniques work, but the fact that you admit you know they work because YOU had depression and used them. Thank you.
lol 10-12 i think of as tweens 13-19 teens 20-beyond adults
Yeah, I did too once, but then my parents or somebody in my family told me they don't.................... I don't know though XD
No, but in my opinion 10 yearolds count as tweens
Is it that surprising?
10
Wait, how old are you?
.........x crickets x.............. I'm not even a pre-teen yet.......... I will be this year though.... x whimpers x I do NOT want to go through that.........
Jennifer I am absolutely speechless. I know how it feels because I feel like I'm going through the same thing. Somedays I will feel great but every once in a while I feel sad and have no motivation to do anything. I use my writing and art to let my emotions flow but sometimes it doesn't work as well as I want it to. It scares me to the point where my anxiety spikes through the roof, but like you said, they are lies that your teenaged mind tell you and I know it will pass soon. I needed this more than ever today, once again you are an inspiration to us all :) <3 Thank you so much Jennifer.
YAY!!! I do remeber ONE time I thought about something........ but it was like a reaction to something I did wrong or when I was scolded to by my parents :)
Wow, Wispiflower, that's amazing. I'm so thankful I helped! Books have always helped me too :)
Wow. Just wow. That is really a lot to take in all at once. Thank you for sharing this, Mrs. Alvarez. I suffered depression last year. I felt like my friends thought I was immature, my sister seemed to hate me and everything I stood for, and God seemed to be ignoring my pleas for help. Then, I went to the bookstore, and saw Windborn. (Yes, Windborn.) I thought it looked cool intense and exciting, so I ordered the forst book. When I finished it, I felt more hopeful then I’d felt in months. If Star could deal with all his problems, so could I. So, you actually helped me with my depression before I even knew you. So, thank you.
Even though I don't have depression, you are still so inspiring! Thank you Mrs. Alverez, for all you do for us!
You wanna know what I think will help depression? Making up your own crazy world, you are who you want to be, and everyone likes you. BOOM. XD. Or, jsut write a story in 1st person point of view about a character and the character has what you want. BOOM again
It is a heavy subject matter and I know some readers are suffering. They are not alone. The light wins, so true! If my story helps anyone, I'm grateful! Thanks for reading.
lol.
Woah, that's a lot to take in, but thank you so much for sharing this.
You are so brve and kind to share that with us! You are truly amazing! I...wow...I am with Cass, I'm speechless too! To all those out there who have depression or suicidal thoughts, just know that Light can break through the darkness, but the darkness can NOT break through light. LIGHT ALWAYS WINS!!!!! STAY STRONG AND BELIEVE IN GOD!!!!
I almost cried when reading that. But, I don't have depression. I just can't believe me ever having depression in such a world full of such potential.
I’m speechless.