Hi Guardian Herd fans, it's Jennifer here. Sometimes readers contact me about their feelings of depression. I want to share a bit more of my story with you.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. These are my thoughts and my coping techniques and they may not work for everyone. I recommend seeking professional help for all people who are struggling with pervasive negative thinking, depression, self-harm, self-hatred, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, self-destructive behavior, extreme anger, violent thoughts--I can't cover everything--but if you are in the extremes of emotions, I believe a mental health professional/expert can help you. I will list some resources at the end of this post.
I don't speak about this often in public, but I suffered from severe depression for many years, mostly between the ages of 13-18. Teenage hormones intensified my emotions and negative thinking, heightening everything I felt and believed.
Life was not always bad. I had good days that gave me hope. But then the darkness would return. A personal failure, a personal rejection, a mean person--anything negative could send me spiraling back into the abyss. When I was there, it was bottomless and lonely. The darkness swallowed all light, all hope.
The last time I felt severely depressed, I was eighteen years old. I was tired of feeling bad. I cried for hours. Some of you know this pain--sobbing so hard your stomach hurts. Crying out your very soul. Craving and wishing for comfort but not knowing how to get it or where to get it. Feeling like no one understands. No one cares. No one loves you.
It was at this moment I made a conscious decision to stand up to the disease of depression. I had come through it enough in the past to know that the bad feelings don't last. They feel real, but they are lies.
From that day on, I decided to work on my self-talk. I decided to treat myself better, to talk to myself nicer. No one is all bad (not even Petalcloud, honestly!) This is why I love my bad guys so much! They're hurting too, like I was. They make their decisions based on a worldview of blame, guilt, self-hatred, and the need to maintain control. If I hadn't changed my thinking, I would be a bad guy!
But I chose to forgive myself and to give myself another chance. I'm so glad I did. I wrote my first book a year later. I went on to get married, to have two kids, adopt a foster child, to have dozens of amazing, loving pets, and to become a published author.
This doesn't mean my life is perfect now. Life seems to always a mix of good and bad. I still experience rejection, conflict, and tough times. But I've become a warrior. I refuse to submit to my depressive tendencies, which still exist within me. I regularly assign myself to 30 Day Positive Thinking Challenges (I must find the silver lining in everything, reject all worrying, and squash all negative self-talk). The truth is--it is as unlikely that I am a horrible, no good, worthless person as it is that I am the best, most worthwhile, most perfect person! All extreme thoughts are lies! Hormones also lie. They amp up our thoughts and feelings way beyond what a situation calls for.
Finally, I am always happier when I focus on what I have to be grateful for. Things as simple as being born in a first world country, having rights, being alive, having pets, having a full belly, having at least one good friend.
So here are my tips for how I battle depression:
Write a gratitude list in my journal each day
Make art
Accept that I will have down days and that it's okay. It will pass!
Challenge myself to 30 Days of Positive Thinking
Get outside each day and enjoy nature (even a brief walk around the neighborhood)
Cuddle my pets
Watch birds
Maintain regular contact with my friends
Say "Yes" to invitations even when I feel anti-social (especially when I feel anti-social)
Take a long bath with lavender scented bath salts
Write a story or diary entry
Color or do a puzzle (keeping a coloring book around, there are some very fancy ones, is super helpful to stop my mind from spinning)
Go to bed. I always feel better in the morning
Talk to someone about feelings, even if they're embarrassing
Clean my room
Attend my community church
Watch a comedy or read a funny book
Read any book
Take care of work that is hanging over my head. Procrastination increases depression for me
Imagine everything going right!
Swim
Take a shower and put on freshly laundered pajamas
Invite someone to a movie or an outing
If I felt I needed it, I'd seek professional help
Trust in a higher power
I hope this letter from me to you is helpful for those of you who are struggling or know someone who is. Here are some resources:
Please share with a trusted adult immediately, especially a parent, grandparent, or relative
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Teen Depression, Mayo Clinic https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/teen-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20350985
I love how supportive you are of one another, and of me. The world is full of good people, happy events, loving animals, fun activities, beautiful landscapes, and exciting accomplishments. You deserve a share of it all.
Yours, Jennifer
I’m speechless.
I almost cried when reading that. But, I don't have depression. I just can't believe me ever having depression in such a world full of such potential.
You are so brve and kind to share that with us! You are truly amazing! I...wow...I am with Cass, I'm speechless too! To all those out there who have depression or suicidal thoughts, just know that Light can break through the darkness, but the darkness can NOT break through light. LIGHT ALWAYS WINS!!!!! STAY STRONG AND BELIEVE IN GOD!!!!
Woah, that's a lot to take in, but thank you so much for sharing this.
lol.
It is a heavy subject matter and I know some readers are suffering. They are not alone. The light wins, so true! If my story helps anyone, I'm grateful! Thanks for reading.
Yeah most people are like that me for instance I am depressed 24/7 and don't know why and it makes me sad also someone needs to make a stand for bullies!!! LOVE FOR PEGASUS AND NO MORE BULLIES FOREVER!!! I get angry when people bully. NO MORE BULLIES!!! and have peace, inner peace #worldpeace so let's spread joy and kindness! stand up to bullies! WE GOT THIS!!!
@Icesong ( Jungle herd ) Yes we do got this!!!! Your 1000% right!
Haha 🤣 I ment 100%
You wanna know what I think will help depression? Making up your own crazy world, you are who you want to be, and everyone likes you. BOOM. XD. Or, jsut write a story in 1st person point of view about a character and the character has what you want. BOOM again
Even though I don't have depression, you are still so inspiring! Thank you Mrs. Alverez, for all you do for us!
Wow. Just wow. That is really a lot to take in all at once. Thank you for sharing this, Mrs. Alvarez. I suffered depression last year. I felt like my friends thought I was immature, my sister seemed to hate me and everything I stood for, and God seemed to be ignoring my pleas for help. Then, I went to the bookstore, and saw Windborn. (Yes, Windborn.) I thought it looked cool intense and exciting, so I ordered the forst book. When I finished it, I felt more hopeful then I’d felt in months. If Star could deal with all his problems, so could I. So, you actually helped me with my depression before I even knew you. So, thank you.
hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, we're all here, girlie :)
Wow, Wispiflower, that's amazing. I'm so thankful I helped! Books have always helped me too :)
yeah I LOVED😍 the first book it made me feel so good. ( I saw the third book got it from the library but I did not finish it because it did not make sense ) Always read the first book of everything THEN it will all make sense
YAY!!! I do remeber ONE time I thought about something........ but it was like a reaction to something I did wrong or when I was scolded to by my parents :)
Jennifer I am absolutely speechless. I know how it feels because I feel like I'm going through the same thing. Somedays I will feel great but every once in a while I feel sad and have no motivation to do anything. I use my writing and art to let my emotions flow but sometimes it doesn't work as well as I want it to. It scares me to the point where my anxiety spikes through the roof, but like you said, they are lies that your teenaged mind tell you and I know it will pass soon. I needed this more than ever today, once again you are an inspiration to us all :) <3 Thank you so much Jennifer.
.........x crickets x.............. I'm not even a pre-teen yet.......... I will be this year though.... x whimpers x I do NOT want to go through that.........
Wait, how old are you?
10
Is it that surprising?
No, but in my opinion 10 yearolds count as tweens
Yeah, I did too once, but then my parents or somebody in my family told me they don't.................... I don't know though XD
lol 10-12 i think of as tweens 13-19 teens 20-beyond adults
Oh . . . My . . . Goodness. This is amazing. What’s even better is the humble tone. What I hate about learning about depression —I did a school project on depression and bullying— is that teachers, the authors of medical articles, even parent/relatives— discuss depression and suicide as though they are just statistics. Since I suffer from depression, I’ve always wanted to scream (or at least write a strongly worded email) at them, “I’M A PERSON TOO!! I DON’T COUNT AS A NUMBER OR PERCENTAGE!!” But you, Jennifer, aren’t like that. Not only have I noticed that these techniques work, but the fact that you admit you know they work because YOU had depression and used them. Thank you.