Erm, hi. In case you forgot me, its the girl that breaks promises and forgets everything. The girl the made everyone worried sick and destroyed everyone's day. The girl that left without a care in the world to give at least a piece of what's cooking. I'm baaaack.... and apparently I have a lot of explaining to do. I don't want to waste your time, but if you got a lot of free time then- yeah.
Wispi already knows this story, but I'll fill you in on what happened back then. When I was in 2nd grade I used to have a friend. A stubborn friend, and a rude one at that, but smart. We met when we were assigned seats and forced to sit next to each other. We played and teased each other a bit, I always used to call him "Mico." to annoy him, and then the fight began. Michael pranked me every recess with his best friend/follower. So we kinda became enemies, but every day we called each other, shared laughs, and sometimes even agreed on things. In a weird way, we were friends. Until 3rd grade. Michael and his followers played another prank on me. His best friend aka Carl told me he had a crush on me, so me, Michael, and my bestie thought this was hilarious. We made a game out of "capturing him" and trying to get him to tell us why he liked me. (Stupid, I know. I was a mess back then.) Then of course Carl told Michael it was a prank, so Michael turned on us and got on Carl's side. It was sorta a mini war. Afterwards Carl left a little note we told everyone. Then Carl said it was a prank. It hit me that we were mean to him for no reason, prank or no prank.. And from that day forward I lived with that guilt of actually being a bully, Michael always used that against me if I was going to tell on him for beating me up one day. (He didn't really beat me up. Just shoved me to the floor because I kept teasing him, his mother saw, course she didn't care.) And if I was ever going to tell on him for anything rude he did. So I never told on him, even when him and his friends insulted me on my love for horses, lied and gossiped about me. I never, ever, told on them again thanks to the mistake I made with Carl. After 4th grade, we became socially awkward, stopped talking. We hardly even noticed each other. Or maybe we just hated each other. Apparently mom and his mom were best friends, so we could never really stay out of each other's lives. Everyday my mom picked him up to drop him off when his mom couldn't, but every car drive was quiet and intense, we never talked or even looked at each other unless my mom asked us something or my best friend was with me.
Then, a month or so ago (before I made a post about leaving) my mom sat next to me on the couch and asked if we could talk. She never asked if we could talk, so that kind of shook me at first. Of course I said yes. She opened her phone, went to the text messages with all the conversations Michael's mom and she had and showed me a text.
"Michael got cancer."
It's amazing how three words could slap you in face.
At first, I was very surprised, but my mom looked more grim than I was. I didn't think to much of it at first, since I hated him. My mom told me not to tell my friends at school. I briefly nodded and continued watching netflix without a care in the world. But that same night, when I was heading upstairs to sleep, laid on my bed, and then I remembered something. Four years. Four years of pranking, teasing, ignoring, calling, laughing, and miserable car drives. Now, the person I disliked most could die knowing I hate him. I never knew how much a former friend and worst enemy could impact you're life. That's what went through my brain every night. Every morning though, it would be a bright summer day, and sometimes I would cry on those bright summer days, wishing I could enjoy going to the pool, enjoy going to horse riding summer camp without that guilt on my shoulders. On others days, I would feel know urge to sob into my pillows, I would feel numb and light headed. I didn't sleep well either. The worst thing was, I never prayed to god about Michael. I never asked him to protect him. You guys already know I have depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety, and I don't really feel completely confortable talking about it, but I might as well now. Once, I went to the porch, grabbed a pin and wrote on my hand "Your fault." I know, another dumb thing I did, but at the time pain was the only thing I could feel. No excuse though. It didn't take long for my mom to catch on that I was blaming myself for this, and she asked me if I was okay. The one thing I could get out of my mouth was
"Whatever."
and that's another negative thought that was always on my mind. A few weeks later I noticed I have to get back on message board before my notifications explode, to late. Two hundred notifications from roplays and posts. My first thought of course was, "Whatever" so I made a post to notify everyone I'll be taking a break. Yes, I read all the comments before making this post, and I didn't commit suicide.
After I made this post I went back upstairs to lay down and try to sleep my depression away, but I couldn't, I sobbed into my pillow again, I wanted to die. That's what scared me. That's half of the reason why I cried for 4 hours. My mom knocked on my door, and I felt grateful that my mother knows when I am hurting, and how she wont give up even when I push her away, so I unlocked the door. This time she didn't ask if I was alright, she didn't ask what's wrong. She hugged me tight, finally, there was a moment I could feel for a second, the warmth of my mother's arms wrapped around me. My mom told me she is going to take me to a councelor. In my opinion, I used to dislike councelors, I always thought going there made me a "problem" but I didn't want to argue with my mom. So two days later we went to a councelor. She was actually really nice, and she gave me a little test to see if I had anxiety and depression or not. Then she clarified it, which was scary as well. She gave me tips on how to deal with anxiety and depression. Writing a journal about everything on your mind, taking deep breaths, all that stuff. I was feeling sorta better, but it didn't change my guilt. I started playing other games, that took my mind off things quickly, then afterwards my brother taught me how to make youtube videos (He knew I had anxiety and depression.) I got a lot of positive comments, so I felt kind of better. I started feeling things again. Food became a taste for me again. Happiness was present, it went on and off sometimes, but I felt a lot better. Then, one night instead of "The person I disliked most could die knowing I hate him." turned into. "God will protect Michael, he will see to it he lives on and become a happy, healthy kid." That's the first time I prayed to God in awhile.
So it turns out after this experiance I learned two things:
You can never really hate someone, and you have to forgive yourself, just like God forgives you.
So yeah, I'm feeling a lot better so I returned to message board. I'm sorry if this was TO long, I just didn't want you guys to be upset and worried and anxious because of me.
ANYWAY
I will no longer be participating in Stars RP or Pegasus Valley, but I will try to get back into TGH O.C Chat and ROTR RP.
AND....
There will be a LOT more Rainfeather's Story episodes. So yeah, another apology, but I'm glad to be back! Love you guys! ^.^
Do you know how many people would read it if you made this into a story? IT WOULD BE AMAZING I mean just this story seemed unreal.. like wow..
Oh dear, didn't look at the time stamps.
Hi Rainfeather! We’ve never met per say but I’ve heard lots of great things about you from Echo. It’s nice to be able to actually “meet” you. ^^
I almost cried reading your story! I feel so awful, everything I take for granted, seems precious to me now. Having amazing friends. I wish I could just pour my heart's thoughts out to you! You are right to go to God, ask him for help. I have a friend, he's my age and his name is Caleb, we started out being "enemies" ever since he tried to pour water on my head. Caleb never really tried to hurt me. But he always tries to pull pranks, for example, shooting a rubber band at me. But he fails miserably. What I mean to say is... God loves you Rainfeather, and He sent His Son to die on the cross for you. With the weight of the world's sin upon his shoulders!
How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should send His only Son to make a wretch His treasure
How the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
The wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons(+daughters) to glory
Behold that man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
With shame I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
no gifts no power no wisdom
but I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
but this I know with all my heart...
His wounds have paid my ransom
how could you do this to me?
wait. wisp, she says you already knew about the story. how did you already know?
she didnt even care :)
Yep, I just really needed some time away from everyone to think things through. I may still disappear every once and a while though.
Hi BeBe!!! I hope you are back for good!!!
Brighterberryyyyyyyyy! You are baqaaaaaaaack!
OMG! BRIGHTBERRY! :O
BRIGHTBERRY!!!!!!!!!! It's been too long!!!!! How are you? I hope everything's well!
I haven't meet Rainfeather but she seems like a very nice person I hope she's ok.
All these assumptions make me very suspicious about what actually's going on.
Rain? Where did you go? Why aren't you on anymore?
What's happened that's so serious you haven't answered in m o n t h s right after we celebrated your return?
Please, Sophia... come back to us.
I hope your okay
That is the most TOUCHING story i have ever heard.
my grandmother had cancer once, but i only realized five months after her surgery.
Yeah, I think Rain has been putting a lot of work into her YouTube channel
I I followed suit. xD
I agree.
But where is Rain?
Saw she was on Roblox the other day.
When I saw the notification for that comment in my email, I reread the entire post as well. And I totally agree, Echomoon.
x is re-reading this post for no reason and sees the pin part x
x forges fake passport, gets plane tickets and flies over to wherever Rain is x
x arrives at her house and asks to see her, then hugs her while breaking everything she can use to harm herself x
dont blame yourself Rain, it isn't your fault. You didn't deserve the guilt you got, nor the pain either. I dont know what I or half the people (actually a lot more than half) on this message board would do without you. We all love you, please don't ever do anything that hurts yourself. (Yes I know I sound creepy and stalker-ish in this post but I just wanted to get this off my chest)
xD Nightmist and Rainfeather, yaaaaaaaaaaas! we both afrsid of same thingysa
lol Dawn. So true again ;)
not news well idk dont mind me im crazy over here donut know what im saying
ok, thats like super great news xD!
(: i wish i could wish away everyones problems but what would be the poinyt of that? life is idk sad and happy. Hopefully the cancer goes away ): agh! i hate cancer..... its always scared me, i have a fear of death, the drk, heights, falling from heights, poisonous things, and being by myself. also Nightmist lol yeah!
So true Dawn. ;)
oh Dragon ): i wish your mom well. also Rainfeather, -hugs- your vital to this MB and i did not know what you were going through, stay brave stay strong Rain. your awesome(so is everyone else)
LOL. Virtual hugs are the best.
*gives you a huuuuge hug through the screen* :-)
lol you guys. If I had doen this post, I would be WAAAAY too overwhelmed with emotions XD.
I cried through that whole thing. I never cry. The only times I’ve cried because of emotion this year was for you, Echomoon, Brightberry, and someone else. Rain, I thought you might have been dead. So when I saw this in notifications, it felt like a miracle. I just want you to know I prayed for you every night while you were gone, and I missed you so much. My heart felt broken. But I knew something really bad must have happened for you to have wanted to take a break from MB, so I waited and prayed for you to come back. The reason you had for needing a break was a VERY good one. I will add Michael to my prayers, and his family and friends. Oh, I also prayed for your depression. That started months before, the first time Echomoon mentioned her suicidal thoughts. I started praying for you, Flamefrost, Brightberry, and Echomoon a lot from then on, along with everyone else on this MB, and...
Basically, What I’m trying to say here is this: I love you, I missed you, I prayed for you all the time and still do, you are awesome, and I don’t care that you quit a bunch of role-plays and left the MB for a month. I’m just glad you’re safe, happy, and alive.
Welcome back Rain, and don't think for a second that that you were forgotten. You are an important part of this Message Board, and always will be.
Also, don't blame yourself for that little incident when you were in 3rd grade. That was a long time ago, and you were learning about how to treat people. So think of it as a learning experience, it's good to know that you mess up, and now you can know how to avoid another situation like that.
Another thing is, don't blame yourself about Michael, those things happen. My mom was actually diagnosed with breast cancer about two weeks ago, and about five years ago my grandma was diagnosed with cancer in some organ I can't remember the name of, and both times I've had to except the fact that there as nothing I can do. They are/were in God's hands, and all we can do is sit back and hope for the best, rather it's for them beat their cancer, or for them to join him in heaven.
I'm so glad you're back Rain, although I was gone most of the time to... I have friends where those types of things are common. I hope Michael gets better soon and will be praying for him. I will also be praying for you. I don't blame you for leaving at random, I do it all the time and you and all the others don't care!! You aren't going to be remembered as the girl who breaks promise (because you don't) but as the girl who stayed strong, even in the hard times. If I become an author, if its OK with all of you, I want to right a story based on all of us.
we love you Rain! this touched my heart and made me cry. maybe it would help writing poems when you feel emotianol? writing poems always helped me. we'll be here every step and im so so sorry about Michael! i wish hime well and to get better. reading also helps.
Rainfeather
who makes us laugh
who inspires
we'll stick with you,
every step.
every step of the way.
i wish you well,
and michael.
the future holds good things.
remember:
silver lining to the cloud.
Rainfeather????? Oh my gosh!!! I can't believe it's you!! I never knew any of this was going on in your life, but I do know, like you said, God will always give you peace, no matter what if you ask for it. It was very kind of you to pray for an enemy, that really shows what an incredible person you are. You have been given so many challenges to overcome in life, you should be proud. I'm sooooo happy you are back. Love you lots, even though I don't know you, of course in a not weird way though. I will pray for you and Michael! Sorry if this was kinda weird and mushy, ;-)
lol. I don't think he'll use any personal information though. But I have been talking to myself, narrating a random story and I actually think it sounds good XD
WHAT THE— .....
1) WELCOME BACK
2) I’m ecstatic that you’re okay
3) Don’t blame yourself. We all make friends, we all make enemies. I have a few frenemies, in fact.
4) Don’t feel bad about counselors/ therapists. I go to one and she helps tremendously, and I know two other people who go to therapy and don’t feel bad.
5) I hope (and will be praying) that Michael recovers. My grandmother had breast cancer two years ago and recovered perfectly fine. It is a treatable thing, especially when caught early.
6) This one is going to sound weird and sort of personal, but... can I use this premise as a book plot? I swear I will not use real names or anything, but I really think this would be incredible as a book. I’m not trying to make you think that you’re just fiction, but lately I’ve had a whole lot more ideas about writing and this looks like the best. I can stipulate “based on a true story”, even. (I won’t do it if you don’t want me to. I respect your privacy.)
Love the new background Cass!!!!!!!!
Yeah!!!! WB CATS!!!!! LONG TIME NO CHAT!!!!!!!!!
Rain, I’m super glad you came back! I want you to know that I missed chatting with you. Just know that we messageboarders are here for you. And I will pray for Micheal.
-virtually hugs her- Oh Rain... God loves you, we all love you, and I’M SO DARN GLAD YOUR BACK
OOOOOO x smiels so brightly x Rainfeather, do have a surprise for you!!! :D You're gonna have to wait though >:)
lol Echo. What Echomoon said accept not as enthusiastic...... ;-;
x walks up to Rain, all grim faced and angry looking x
x tapping foot angrily x
x murders her in a gigantic death hug of love ❤️ x
DONT YOU EVER SCARE US LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG RAIN! YOU'RE BACK! I CANT BELIVE YOUR BACK AGAIAJAGAGAGAGAGAGA
Rain, you're one the sweetest, best, most amazing, courageous, kind, funny, hilarious, epic people in the WORLD!!!!!!!! It takes a LOT of courage to share that with us, and not just anybody has that courage. But you do! :3
I still hate you for leaving us... AS IF! XD If you ever thought for one moment that we'd turn you away and see you as the "girl who breaks promises" and all that other stuff, you must be insane! We're your family! And no matter what happens, we will always welcome you (and everyone) with open wings and full hearts. WE LOVE YOU, SIS! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
It is a little sad you are quitting some RPs though. But, meh. :)
x sniffles x I actually did cry............ ;-;. That is the saddest story I have lagitamitly ever heard...... I hope you can feel completely again Rain :)
SO
DANG
GOOD
TO
SEE
YOU
:D
Oh, Rainfeather! You are so sweet, brave and courageous to be sharing that with us! I want you to know that if you want to talk about anything, pls tell us and we will gladly listen to you! It's SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I literally almost cried while reading this! I hope Michael gets better. He is really lucky to have a friend like you. God love's you and even though it doesn't seem like it, He hears you and He cares about you! And so do we! WE LOVE U TO RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! IT'S SUPER GOOD TO SEE YOU!!!!!! Er...chat with you