I'm so angry. At my parents, my dad in general. Even though this is not my fight. He's such a hypocrite, thinks he's right about everything, and unfair. Sure! Life is unfair. But we are human too. We have not experienced the unfairness of life like them, they think. WRONG. I know I'm probably not the person to write these type of posts, but I'm so sick and tired of yelling and screaming all directed to my middle sister however much I don't like her.
Have you ever experienced that heart-wrenching feeling of loss? When you feel like you're drowning in a pile of sorrowful tears? When you feel like you can't breathe when it rips through your heart, shredding it into pieces? Every single time they scream or yell especially harshly at my sister, it hurts. It hurts like their screaming at me. I feel like I want to cry, to give up. I need a place to vent everything out, I usually let out months of bottled up feelings. Yes, she may be petty, but my dad is extreme. I'm sick and tired and done with my life, sometimes I just want to die, but I know I won't. He's threatening to sell the house next time. That would probably kill me. There are just too many memories I don't want to/can't give up.
All I have left to rely on are my cats and my beardie.
I feel like humans are too unpredictable. Too emotional.
[Skippy]
My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past The last mistake, the choice I made Staring in the mirror with myself to blame Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside Nowhere to hide inside my mind I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step What if my words are meaningless? What if my heart's misleading this? I try to capture every moment as it comes to me Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company When the hope of morning starts to fade in me I don't dare let darkness have its way with me And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight I will not be giving in tonight
When I'm old and grey, or thirty, or whatever happens first, I'll need you to reassure me I didn't waste a verse Or worse, what if my life's work is reduced to just myself Like never let you get a word in, while I dissect my mental health Or lack thereof, whatever, there's too many things to track I really can't remember if I'm insane or insomniac Now days, all the kids want crazy, wanna diagnose themselves Trade up made up epidemics, pass around prescription pills But my disorder can't be cured by a bottle, blade, or dose Self-disgust and selfishness tend to hold me awfully close But I don't wanna let you see that, I don't want my friends to know Self-disgust and selfishness take me everywhere I go When the hope of morning starts to fade in me I don't dare let darkness have its way with me And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight I will not be giving in tonight Try as I might to keep it together Why is recovery taking forever Fool the whole world, just until I get better I'm terrified I'll be faking forever On and on I wonder what went wrong inside my head I don't have to have the answers, but tonight I wish I did All the pain I can't explain away won't fade All the the secrets silenced by the shame Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it Don't make me say it When the hope of morning starts to fade in me I don't dare let darkness have its way with me And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight I will not be giving in tonight
(I wish)
(Hope of Morning by Icon For Hire, lyrics)
sending my prayers
I hope everything settles down, I'll be praying for you
So basically your dad and sister have been having a long drawn out argument? That must stink, I hope things get better for you guys
I feel like this sometimes. Like your trapped in a cave and life's burdens like judgement and shame and hatred flood the walls. How easy It would seem to just stop fighting for air and let the truth fill your lungs and steal your breath. But its about continuing the fight, and fighting for those who need you. Its about finding the current and swimming to the exit. Then taking a deep breath of hope and walking across the path that is forged ahead of you as you fulfill who you are meant to be. But only till you feel the pull of the current will you find the exit.
Praying that you find the current,
Starleaf.
huh,thts basically my whole life at home. my parents are always yelling at each other, or my brother, or me. every time I do something, my dad criticises me. especially when im helping him cook. literally everything I do, he has to yell about what im doing wrong. he never compliments me on what im doing right. its always whatever im doing wrong. it can be as small as "no, you have to cut the onions like THIS".
the only time he EVER compliments me instead of yell at me is when mum tells him to stop being so mean, but even then I cant feel good about it because I feel like he's only doing it to make mum happy. plus, my mum's a total stresshead. she's always yelling at my brother or getting stressed over SOMETHING.
this morning in the car, we were having an argument over who knows what and my brother tried to change the subject (he was talking to ME) and she said exasperatedly to my dad "and then he goes and changes the subject!" and then my dad said "Campbell, shut up!"
I feel so exhausted. its like Youth and this MB are my only escapes. im seriously so sick of it.
again sorry fir making This about me ... :/\:
I'm so sorry for you! It makes me really sad that kids have to go through this, and I think I speak for all of us when I say we're here for you. I hope it gets better. And I dont mean to be sticking my head in your business, but I really think you should talk to someone, maybe a school counselor or teacher, to try and help. I really hope this gets better!
you aren't sticking your head in business! im glad you care about this actually. <3 [insert heart emoji because im on computer here]
i feel so bad :'( i hope things get better
You've had sympathy from others, and I agree with what they're saying, but that's not what this comment is going to be for.
Show your dad this post. I'm serious. Maybe play the song you wrote the lyrics to in it as well. If he knows you're a human, he might change. If he knows that with that humanness comes emotions including the ones you've shared here, he might change. Who knows, he might apologize.
Good luck, and I hope that whatever happens works out for you.
that's a good idea. I wold done the same to my dad long ago, but id probably just break down it tears. If anyones interested, I feel like I try to hard to make him proud. but he never pays attention. he always looks down on me as if I'll never be anything but... myself.
the truth is, he had a harsh childhood. his parents divorced, they yelled at him all the time, and none of his family acted like they loved him. matter of fact, now that I think about it, they always showed him the same level of affection he shows me: zero...
gone off topic, sorry about that, just needed to vent, but overall that's a good idea.
I'm really secretive to almost everyone around me.
@Scipio I get it... I do. But...... all I can say is don't let it hurt you. You still have them. You still have...... your dad v.v
I still pray for you guys, just so ya know ❤️
Hi Scipio! We never talked much before. I noticed how you said life is unfair. Yes, yes it is. We totally don’t deserve to have the chance to have people who love us and an amazing author and her website that makes us one virtual herd. Not a lot of ppl get this chance, you know. Life is indeed unfair. As Americans, we don’t need to worry about some evil country coming in and taking over our home. I’ve been outside the states, and many, many ppl have unfair lives.
I have a suggestion, Skippy, be grateful for the unfair life you have. You’ll feel better when you put others first and love those who maybe are hard to love who maybe don’t even love you! I guarantee you’ll feel happier than trying to fend yourself. Everyone’s life would improve greatly if they think about others’ needs. I struggle in my thinking of how life is so unfair, and it is, but in a different way.
Hopefully I didn’t offend you, Skippy! We all want what’s best for you as a herd!