here I go making everything about me again wOO (WARNING! RANT UP AHEAD)
I make too many things about myself, I know, im sorry, but I have a confession to make..........
As of May 2019, I have been struggling with my feelings, and.... (everyone on the Hangouts chat probably already knows this, but this is for anyone who isn't on the Hangouts)
I have come to realise that I am attracted to young mares.
That's my way of saying I am bisexual.
I know some of you don't support LGBTQ+, which is why I hesitated to make this post, sooo yeahhh.
Oh and also im thinking about coming out to my parents about it. but since we live as Christians I am not looking forward to their responses. my mum has made it pretty clear that though she doesn't want me to be attracted to mares because "it'll make my life harder" (that's what she says, anyway. I have a sneaking suspicion the reason is because she doesnt want me to be romantically involved with anyone, especially girls). I have absolutely no clue what my dad will think about it though. ive never really worked up the courage to talk to him about it. something tells me he isn't going to like it though.
I remember once I was going to be sleeping in my mum's room with her because of reasons (I think dad was away and I wasn't feeling good emotional-wise so she said I could stay with her that night) but she was taking really long getting ready brushing her teeth, so I did something I am not proud of, but I do not regret... I opened her nightstand and read her diary.
it didn't have anything to do with about her feelings or anything, so I was just flipping through pages, trying to see if there was anything interesting I could find, when something caught my eye. (this isn't word-for-word as this did happen quite a while ago, but along the lines of.)
"Emily was talking to me about her feelings towards a girl at school, and I told her most girls experience this throughout puberty and whatnot. But she hinted something about it not just being a phase. So I talked to Rob [my dad's name] about it and we prayed together."
I was quite shocked at this paragraph and felt tears coming to my eyes, because I thought she had assured me she would keep our "girl talks" between us girls (this includes Lily, the family dog, because she is a girl).
A little outraged, I turned the pages to see if she had written anything else about it, and what I read next literally made me break down crying.
"I asked my friends today to pray about the girl crush for Emily at school, to make Emily see it was nothing more than a phase."
Again, that wasn't word-for-word, but it was something like that. I honestly can not believe, even now, that my own mother, who promised me she'd keep girl talk between us girls, shared my feathering sexuality crisis to MY FATHER and HER FRIENDS.
She still doesn't know I leafed through her diary, and to be honest I only just now remembered the incident.
Also, here's how I found out I'm bi:
I go to an all girls school.
And I have a crush.
On a girl that isn't even my friend.
So yeah heck my life apparently :D
any help about this would be appreciated immensely. thank y'all so much for the support thus far, and if you decide to stop being friends with me because of this, I have only one thing to say:
Online I will say "I understand" but in real life I will be saying "ex-feathering-scuse me".
I've weened off my antidepressants because they weren't doing enough for me so now im completely unshackled and awaiting a new prescription, so forgive me if one day im "im great how's your day going?" and then "I FEATHERING HATE EVERYTHING *hysterical sobbing in background*" the next.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING. WITHOUT YOU GUYS I'D BE DEAD. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING.
~ Your Echo 💙