here I go making everything about me again wOO (WARNING! RANT UP AHEAD)
I make too many things about myself, I know, im sorry, but I have a confession to make..........
As of May 2019, I have been struggling with my feelings, and.... (everyone on the Hangouts chat probably already knows this, but this is for anyone who isn't on the Hangouts)
......
I have come to realise that I am attracted to young mares.
That's my way of saying I am bisexual.
....
I know some of you don't support LGBTQ+, which is why I hesitated to make this post, sooo yeahhh.
Oh and also im thinking about coming out to my parents about it. but since we live as Christians I am not looking forward to their responses. my mum has made it pretty clear that though she doesn't want me to be attracted to mares because "it'll make my life harder" (that's what she says, anyway. I have a sneaking suspicion the reason is because she doesnt want me to be romantically involved with anyone, especially girls). I have absolutely no clue what my dad will think about it though. ive never really worked up the courage to talk to him about it. something tells me he isn't going to like it though.
I remember once I was going to be sleeping in my mum's room with her because of reasons (I think dad was away and I wasn't feeling good emotional-wise so she said I could stay with her that night) but she was taking really long getting ready brushing her teeth, so I did something I am not proud of, but I do not regret... I opened her nightstand and read her diary.
it didn't have anything to do with about her feelings or anything, so I was just flipping through pages, trying to see if there was anything interesting I could find, when something caught my eye. (this isn't word-for-word as this did happen quite a while ago, but along the lines of.)
"Emily was talking to me about her feelings towards a girl at school, and I told her most girls experience this throughout puberty and whatnot. But she hinted something about it not just being a phase. So I talked to Rob [my dad's name] about it and we prayed together."
I was quite shocked at this paragraph and felt tears coming to my eyes, because I thought she had assured me she would keep our "girl talks" between us girls (this includes Lily, the family dog, because she is a girl).
A little outraged, I turned the pages to see if she had written anything else about it, and what I read next literally made me break down crying.
"I asked my friends today to pray about the girl crush for Emily at school, to make Emily see it was nothing more than a phase."
Again, that wasn't word-for-word, but it was something like that. I honestly can not believe, even now, that my own mother, who promised me she'd keep girl talk between us girls, shared my feathering sexuality crisis to MY FATHER and HER FRIENDS.
She still doesn't know I leafed through her diary, and to be honest I only just now remembered the incident.
Also, here's how I found out I'm bi:
I go to an all girls school.
And I have a crush.
On a girl that isn't even my friend.
So yeah heck my life apparently :D
any help about this would be appreciated immensely. thank y'all so much for the support thus far, and if you decide to stop being friends with me because of this, I have only one thing to say:
Online I will say "I understand" but in real life I will be saying "ex-feathering-scuse me".
ALSO~
I've weened off my antidepressants because they weren't doing enough for me so now im completely unshackled and awaiting a new prescription, so forgive me if one day im "im great how's your day going?" and then "I FEATHERING HATE EVERYTHING *hysterical sobbing in background*" the next.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING. WITHOUT YOU GUYS I'D BE DEAD. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING.
~ Your Echo 💙
I support it, but I'm not going to make a huge deal of it. There are plenty other people who do that. Coming out can be very hard. but all I can do is wish you good luck.
oh yeah also how I know this isn't a phase is in year 6 in the middle of the year when I made new friends through my classmates I got a crush on one of them.
edit: nobody cares about this but even before then at the start of the year (2018) I realised I was doing the occasional cliche-take-strand-of-hair-out-of-face thing on my friends way too much so I shouldn't have said this
B rave
E chomoon
A mazing
U n stoppable
T houghtful
F riend
U nique
L oved
That is how we see you Echomoon. You Are Beautiful. Brave, Amazing, Unstoppable, Thoughtful, Friend, Unique and Loved! I don't support LGBTQ+ people, but I support you. Your posts have given me the chance to think about someone else for a change not just myself. You are one of the bravest people I know. We are all in some way each others Guardian herd.
I fully support all LGBTQ+ people. So I definitely support you Echo.
Aww, echo, ik you all don't really trust me, but if you ever need to talk im here ❤. And i fully support lgbtq, my bestest friend has a girlfriend and they are just so adorable and amazing together. I hope your crush likes you back, and i hope the best with coming out to your parents.
I fully support lgbtq 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Lol Ignore my other comment I was trying to confuse to make you not think of things xD Wait, now that I read it, my comment makes no sense at all.....
E xciting
C aring
H umorous
O riginal
M arvelous
O vercoming
O bservant
N oteworthy
ECHO, I want to use this phrase For the rest of your life;
FRICK THAT FRIGGIN’ MACARONI IN THE OVEN!!!!
WHO CARES IF YOU BI OR NOT? IT DON’T MATTER!!!! IT MATTERS ON WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF!!! >:( DON’T BE PUT DOWN BY ALL THOSE STUPID PEOPLE WHO PUT THE STUPID MACARONI IN THE OVEN, WHEN IT SHOULD FLIPPIN’ GO IN A POT ON TOP OF THE OVEN!!!!!!!!!! MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!! :D
Basically what Dragon said. While I don't support LGBTQ+ as you know, I do support you. You are indeed one of my best friends. And really don't feel scared to tell your parents. They should know and they most likely wont react as badly as you expect. When my parents found out about my depression they started checking on me more, making sure I was alright. I'm sure your family will do the same, no matter how they feel about LGBTQ+.
Exactly, so? I still would love to be your friend!
So? :/
I support you 100%!! Im not bisexual but a LOT of my friends are. And you'd think they'd get teased right? Nope I get teased (in a nice way) cause in the odd one out. XD. But anyways to the point. I haven't known you long or even heard your voice or seen your face, but I love you and support you with everything I have. Like dragon said people suck. And people are gonna think down on you because of it. And its the worst feeling in the world. But I know for a FACT you are strong and one of the bravest people out there! I wish you the best of luck!!!
I've made my opinions clear about the LGBTQ+, and while I don't support that, I do support you Echo. You are a great Herd Nerd, and have been since I met you, and I know the last few months/years have been pretty hard on you. It's been pretty difficult at times to read about how you've gone from one of the craziest people I know, to someone who's having to rely on medication just to get by, but you know what? You're still here, and that means you've got to be also one of the strongest people I know.
Some times people suck, even your own parents at times. And I know how painful it is when you tell someone about something in the hopes that it'll just be between you and them, but then you find out they've told other people. It is seriously one of the worst feelings out there. But as insensitive as it may sound, and I'm not trying to justify this, but I think you're mom was doing her best to help. I mean, as I know you know, it's sometimes really hard to keep things to yourself especially if whatever is happening is effecting someone you really care about. You've done this with (I'm sorry to bring this up) Rain. Please, don't hold this against your mom, you need her.
I wish you good luck, and here's another cute puppy gif:
Oh Echo. I totally support you. I am not bisexual myself, I have many friends who are. Just know that, we love you and will always support you. No matter what.
I think you should tell your parents. They love you and want what's best for you. My family is also Chritians, so they don't always like the idea of the LGBTQ+ community, but that doesn't mean they love me any less, based on who I hang out with.
Whatever you decide, just know not to be ashamed in who you love and follow you heart.