It was two days after Bumblebush and Starleaf learned they were telepathic and they used it at every chance they got. When Star said they could go to spring herd to play with the other foals they helped each other win the games. When Star came to pick them up he told Hazelwind and Echofrost.... they sat there and gaped at him in surprise. When they got home Star told them to go to bed but just then Jaderiver the retired jungle herd scout burst in shedding feathers and flaring her wings. Star she wheezed from flying so fast I did not know who else to get. What is it Jaderiver Star asked. I don't know she replied but It's big and It's sailing straight into crabwing's bay! Morningleaf appeared and asked her how long it would take it to get here. At the speed that there traveling Jaderiver said about dawn. Then that's when we leave Star announced. Oh papa Starleaf asked can we please go too!? No Star answered It's to dangerous and that's the end of it. Yes sir Starleaf sadly or seemingly sadly replied. Now go to bed he told them. Knowing her brother fell asleep quickly she screamed in his mind wake up! Bumblebush suddenly looked up from were he was resting and stared at Starleaf. What did you wake me up for he thought at her. we need to follow them she thought back. Papa won't like that he thought to her. Who cares she thought back. Fine he agreed wake me up when your ready. okay she thought this will be the best adventure ever!
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Nice! The story's great, may I please just give you a few tips?
It would be less confusing if you added commas and speech marks, like this:
"Oh please papa, can we go to?!" Starleaf asked.
"No," Star answered, "It's too dangerous."
Just a tip ^~^ apart from that its great
thanks!
Cool